Pappa wants mamma naked
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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