he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
