Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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