trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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