your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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