Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
