Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
