At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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