he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
