If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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