I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
