Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
