we have pet lesbian snakes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
