The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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