I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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