i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
