my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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