I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
