I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize