Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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