i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
