Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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