So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
