i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
