When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
