he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
