found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
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how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
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Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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