Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times