Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.