I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize