omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
only if we run a train.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it