He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
