Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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