Soap is not a condiment
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Randomize
