bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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