You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize