I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
