I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
God, you're like boner-b-gone
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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