I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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