you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
