Non-Jews are for practice
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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