I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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