Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
