It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
