i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
