Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
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She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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