Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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