I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
