I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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