Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
