you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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