Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
