Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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