I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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