Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
