You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
