why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
