Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
