whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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