turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
