I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
