im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
