Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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