Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dear god my vagina.
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