What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
