make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
